I've read blogs about fathers today. I rejoice with those who still have their dad and can talk to him. In some cases, the adult child is living with the parents, seeing to their care while they're not quite finished raising their own children.
My daddy died when I was twenty-two. Now I'm 64. Many years have passed. I have pictures of him at my college graduation. He was so proud of me and what I had accomplished. He had only finished the eighth grade. I don't know why he did not finish, perhaps to work and help out the family. He was a very smart man. His penmanship was immaculate. I don't have any letters that he wrote, but I have his signature on documents that he signed, and I cherish even those.
When I graduated from college, I went to Norwood, Ohio, and taught in a small Christian school for a couple of years. That first year, one of the teachers could sense that I was homesick, and said to me, "Why don't we go to Florida for Veteran's Day weekend?" And so we did. That weekend was enough for me to realize that it was o.k. that I had moved so far away from home (or so everyone in Florida thought.)
Since I had come home in November, I didn't come home for Christmas. Rather, I took a bus to Iowa to visit a college teacher and then up to Minnesota to visit in the teacher's home...the one who had come to Florida with me. On the morning of January 24, 1964, I received a phone call that my daddy had died during the night of a heart attack. My life stopped for a while. I came home that day to see my mother, distraught, and grieving this man who had been her husband for 30 years. As I met her, I thought to myself, "I've got to be strong for her," and so I never cried during the week I was home for his funeral. But that came about a month later. I started crying and thought I'd never stop.
Fast forward to 2002. My daughter graduated from college in 1999; my son, in December 2001. Their father was so proud of them. He had had a hard time in school...not a scholar, but again, a very smart man. He found in his genius in the electrical trade. All of his clients know about his children and everything they were doing. His life ended in a tragic accident in April 2002. My children's lives and mine have been alike in losing our fathers.
Just a few years ago, I began grieving for my father in a new way, and I couldn't quite figure out why. Then I came to the realization that I had not ever known my father as an adult. I didn't know really who he was, and what he was thinking, what made him tick. I didn't have that friendship with him on the adult level that I was seeing with my friends and acquaintances with their adults parents.
So I think on today with a bit of sadness, not just for me, but also for my children, who do not have their father to laugh with and cry with, and just be with.
10 comments:
Thank you, Mom. I never knew those details of your dad passing. I feel as if I didn't know dad enough as an adult to be an adult with him. I hear songs in church that I can still hear him singing. I miss his voice, Mickey Mouse like or regular. Sometimes I anticipate coming home and having a message from him. One thing I wish I had is a recording of his voice.
I'm sure Father's Day is a tough day without your dad and the father of your children. May your wonderful memories give you peace...
When it comes to dads, we're all just little kids wanting our daddy. I enjoyed reading about yours.
I've read a lot of different "tributes" to dad today. There are so many different types of loss. You and your children lost father's in their prime but they were both loving fathers to the end. Some lose their father when diseases such as Alzheimer's takes their memories, the man is still with them but that spark of recognition and understanding is gone. But I think the most difficult loss to bear is to lose a father because of apathy. Either the father is completely out of the child's life or he yo-yo's in and out with no real care or concern for the child's emotions or any feeling of responsibility for the child's well being. These selfish careless men, I consider to be on the same level with pedophiles and abusers; they shouldn't even be called a "father". My daughter's father is one of these men. I thank God every day that she has the love of her grandfather and uncle to at least fill part of that hole her own dad created.
~~~Hugs to you~~~
my daddy died when I was two...I have absolutly no memory of him at all...my grandmother said I stood on a chair by his casket and patted him and said "This is my daddy" but I don't even have a memory of that...but I'm sure I see bits and pieces in my children and my sister's children...my son is now the age he was when he died...I look at him sometimes and wonder............
I'm sorry to learn of your loss and your children's loss, as well, Beverly. The only consolation is that we shall all meet in Heaven. How I look forward to wiping away these earthly tears and seeing my own father there!
What a lovely tribute to you Dad and also to the Father of your children. None of us understands the whys of what happens on this earth but be warmed by the fact that the Lord does.
This is such a fine and moving account of the loss of both your father and husband.
It is interesting to read how your grieving changed over time - we can only imagine how our fathers saw and experienced the world.
If only we had just one more chance to listen to them...
Good topic. I also can't have a good relationship with my dad. I don't know why but sometimes I don't like talking with him and ignore him. Maybe I don't realize the importance of my dad? I know he is working for us...
I think most Japanese teenagers don't like their father.
How about in your country? Teenagers have good relationship with thir father?
I lost my dad 6 years ago. I was fortunate to have known him as a child and as an adult. I never tired of his stories of his younger years. I miss him every day.
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