Ugly and Unwanted

It seems that sometimes when I post that it is about something sad, and I don't intend it to be that way.

A group of six ladies met together about 10 years ago to celebrate a 50th birthday. At that breakfast it was decided that once a month we would meet for breakfast, and for the last ten years, we have done just that. The makeup of the group has changed just a bit; we've never grown in number, (by choice) and we have never announced ourselves to those outside our little circle.

The great thing about the group is that we have never gossiped about anyone (that's unusual for six ladies, isn't it). Rather our group has been a support group to each other; sometimes we meet and don't say much. Sometimes we meet and laugh a lot; at one point, we didn't dare frequent the same restaurant twice in a row for fear that they wouldn't let us in. Sometimes we meet and weep with each other.

This past week was one of weeping for me. One of the friends in our group announced that she has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Boo-hiss! The sage of the group, whom we sometimes fondly call our "mother superior" said to her, "You know what you're dealing with. You have a diagnosis. If it were there and nothing being done, it would be so much worse." But I cried. The year that I retired from teaching I was 57. One of my dearest friends died that same week. She had been diagnosed with colon cancer the previous October and lived almost nine months. Her sister had died of cancer, and she had done everything "right." She exercised, watched her diet, had those cysts in her breasts checked twice a year, and she died anyway. I could never quite figure that one out. She was 57. A former pastor's wife in our church had surgery colon cancer when she was nearly 90, and the surgeon told her to come see him in a year. I say that I don't question God, but I couldn't figure out why she lived, and my friend didn't. And I told her so. I knew her well enough to know that I could say that to her. She's still living...I think she was 93 this month.

The title of this post is "Ugly and Unwanted." The lady whose birthday we celebrated originally, the one that caused us to begin meeting monthly worked with a support group at our church that hopes to help people who have issues with alcohol or other dependencies. One morning at breakfast, she made the statement that it seemed that all the friends she gathered around her were either ugly, or unwanted. We looked at each other and laughed...the name became ours.