Hollywood Squares

I often say that there is absolutely nothing worth watching on TV. I sometimes end up turning to The Game Network and watching some of the old quiz shows that are on. I find myself laughing out loud at "The Match Game" with Gene Rayburn and the crew that always come up with some crazy response. One can watch Betty White in her younger years and realize that when we see her now on shows that she is just as sharp as she was back then.

A few days before Christmas, a friend sent me an e-mail with some of the questions and answers from old "Hollywood Squares" shows. I was cleaning out my inbox and decided to share them with you.

Hollywood Squares:

These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..


Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A.. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures..

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected..

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

Did you laugh as much as I did?

Merry Christmas

God is with us! Merry Christmas!

Hark!

The angels sang at his birth, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth, peace, good will to men!"

The Christmas programs are over for this year. Our Sweet Adelines did five different performances, our choir did two performances, and then this evening, the choir and handbell choir took part in two Christmas Eve services. Now it's late, and I'm sitting listening to wonderful Christmas music from the First Baptist Church in Atlanta, in particular, "Mary, Did You Know?" All the questions that are asked of Mary...did she know? The Word says that the pondered all those things and kept them in her heart. We sang a verse of "O Holy Night" tonight that I do not recall ever singing., or I never paid attention to the words..."He knows our need—to our weakness is no stranger."

For the last two years I've quoted a passage from Lauren Winner's book, Girl Meets God, in which she speaks of advent not being complete until Easter. I would like to share that again.She writes: "The calendar tells us that this all culminates on December 25, but really the whole season slouches toward Easter. Jesus became incarnate now, in the manger of Bethlehem, but if His incarnateness is meant to make Him more relatable to us, if we are meant to have better access to God because our God has a body like we have, if we relate to Him better because He knows what it is like to weep and throw up and be tempted and suffer, then the Incarnation that starts on Christmas isn't finished until Good Friday. And the miracles that start in the strange inexplicable Virgin Birth aren't finished until the Resurrection.....Even his birthplace takes us to the Last Supper: Jesus, the Bread of Life, is born in Bethlehem, bet lechem, "house of bread," and at the Last Supper, He will break bread for us, and then on the cross He will break His body. Nothing in Scripture, even the names of birthplace towns, is coincidence."

May the wonder of Christmas be yours not just today, but from now on until we see Him face to face.

Ella the Bella

Last weekend Sarah and I drove to Virginia to attend the wedding of my nephew and Sarah's cousin Tim. Ella was the flower girl. Being three, we weren't sure if she would perform, but perform she did. On Monday when her caregiver asked her whose wedding she was in, she said, "Mine!" She and the ring bearer were two cuties, for sure.

Since we were together there and wouldn't be together on Christmas Day, we had our Christmas during our visit. On Sunday morning, we enjoyed breakfast at the hotel. The server let Ella use this little glass to sample pineapple juice, and she did think she was something with that glass.

The clerk at the desk was gracious to take our picture all together. David had to stand to the side, or he would have surely hidden the tree. Afterwards, we went back up where we opened our gifts. Of course, all eyes were on the Bella. We love every minute that we have with her.

All too soon we had to say good-by and be on our way. We had a bit of snow on our car...a strange sight for Floridians. David and Sabrina drove home to two feet of snow in their yard.

Meet Stephen and Charles

Where do the days go? Last week when I posted Nathaniel, I thought I would do a post each day until I had introduced you to all of my All God's Children figurines in my nativity. So much for good intentions. The days have been filled with Sweet Adelines rehearsals, handbell choir rehearsals, and our regular choir rehearsal. Last Saturday our Sweet Adelines chorus presented what has become its annual Christmas program. We entertained with songs ranging from "Let It Snow" (yes, we're in Florida, but most concert attenders are probably snowbirds.) to "What Can I Give Him?" I'm sure most of the snowbirds who were in the audience are glad they are not here and not in the north where the weather is frightful.

Our church choir will be doing our Christmas music at both services on Sunday morning and then Sunday night, Sarah and I are going to hear Sandy Patty in concert in Sarasota. We're really looking forward to that. I commented to her that there is so much going on during the Christmas season that there is not time to see and do all the things one would like.

Let me introduce you to Stephen and Charles. I love Miss Martha's description of the boys. You can almost see a Christmas pageant director interacting with the children, getting them to do their part with all their hearts.

About Stephen she writes: "Stephen showed up for his part as shepherd in the Sunday School Christmas play just a little grumpy because his Mom had taken him away from a great game of basketball. But his sour mood quickly changed to a big grin when Preacher Thomas handed him a real baby lamb. As Stephen picked up the lamb, it started licking his face. Oooooh, he's hungry thought Stephen as he remembered the peanut butter and jelly sandwich squished in his back pocket."

And about Charles: "At dress rehearsal for the Christmas play, Mrs. Sue gave Charles a small gift box he was to carry for the baby Jesus. As he opened the lid to see what treasure was enclosed his heart sank because the box was empty. He quickly ran to his classroom where he tore up small pieces of paper and wrote the same word on each piece. He filled the box with "LOVE."

One of the songs that we sang at our Sweet Adelines Christmas show was the simple song, "What Can I Give Him?" which is actually a poem by Christina Rossetti.

What can I give Him, poor as I am?

If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb.

If I were a wise man, I would do my part,

But what can I give Him, give Him my heart.

Meet Nathaniel

Many years ago I collected "All God's Children's" figurines. I bought several figurines which I dearly love, and then a nativity series was produced. During the month before Christmas, I'm going to introduce you to the different characters that I've collected. Nathaniel is the first of the characters I'd like for you to meet. As you can see, he is the little drummer boy. His drum is a pan. This is what Miss Martha, his creator has to say about him.

"Clink, clank and clunk... the metallic sounds bounce off the walls in Nathaniel's home. The clatter brings his mother from the sewing room asking, "Nathaniel, what are you doing with all those pans?" As he taps on each of the overturned pans, he says, "I'm the drummer boy for Jesus." With a smile of success he finally looks up and adds, "This is the one!" A hush falls over the kitchen as his gentle taps echo a peaceful rum-pa-pa-pum which beckons the heart to return, once again, to a time very long ago in Bethlehem. "